Marriage, seperation and divorce
Marriage is not just the union of two people but a union for the spiritual growth of two people. Happiness in a marriage or partnership can never be guaranteed and marriage, separation or divorce can never be deemed as being a success or failure.
When we enter into a marriage or partnership of any sort, we generally do so believing we have the same or similar beliefs and perceptions. If any of those beliefs are false then the two people involved will naturally experience discomfort or pain and the union will face some difficulties, but it’s through the difficulties that two people can learn the truth about themselves and each other and spiritually grow together.
Some will choose to stay together while living in an illusion regardless of the difficulties and never change. If however, one person chooses to change and grow and the other person chooses to remain the same, then separation or divorce is an inevitable outcome. This isn’t something anyone can control and it doesn’t mean anyone has failed because we all make choices according to what we believe and we can’t change anyone else’s beliefs and choices, we can only change our own.
Some avoid committing to an intimate relationship believing they can’t be who they are or achieve the things they want in their lives but a healthy marriage or partnership where there is real care and respect doesn’t limit anyone. It’s a place where two people’s differences and needs are freely supported and their growth enhanced.
For many, the aftermath of a separation or divorce will be a time for grieving the loss of the illusions they may have had but it’s also an opportunity to question their beliefs and to reflect on the choices they’ve made. Some will choose not to and then often enter into another partnership or marriage and find themselves in the same situation with the same feelings they had before.
This is something that sadly happens to many people after leaving an abusive partnership. People that grow up with an abusive parent and told often that parent loves them, may still falsely believe that love is abuse.
A marriage vow is a pledge to love someone, but this doesn’t include the illusion of someone. The words ‘for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part’ does not include the words abuse or violence, and marriage doesn’t mean that someone else’s life or needs are more important than our own. No one’s life or needs are ever more important than anyone else’s.