Hate, anger and depression
Hate and anger are always misplaced and depression is anger we turn inwards on ourselves believing we don’t have the right to feel the way we do. Anxiety and fear are always of the unknown yet they are still necessary and valid emotions.
These are extreme emotions that we all often do anything we can to avoid rather than question, but sadly when we do, we just keep building on them instead of eliminating them.
The more we resist the truth in our lives, the more extreme these emotions become. In the moments when we feel as though we can’t cope, it’s nature letting us know that what we perceive or believe to be true is completely false, and we do cope because although the blows seem severe, nature is nurturing and never gives us more than we can take. These are the two things we must understand to be able to relate to our feelings rather than react to them. Once we do, we will start to perceive things differently, which will change the feelings we have.
Many of us are given unwanted baggage from others and often instead of having the courage to hand it back to the person it belongs to, we hang onto it and become depressed or we get angry and hand it on to someone else. They don’t like it and hand it back to us so we hate them and then we hand it onto another person who doesn’t want it so they hate us.
It’s similar to the well-known ‘kick the dog syndrome’. A man is abused by his employer and instead of believing his employer has a problem and handing back an assertive response; he believes there is something wrong with him. He goes home and hands the abuse onto his wife. She doesn’t like it and tries to hand it back, but he gets angry so she turns around and hits the kids. They don’t like it so they turn around and kick the dog!
Some people have the most outrageous perceived reasons for being angry or hating another person and just can’t see how misplaced their feelings are. Some will say they hate another person because they don’t like the clothes they wear, because they don’t like the colour of their skin, because they don’t like what they like eating or because they are fat, thin or old.
Some people even hate rain, which is obviously misplaced because we all know how valuable and important the water is, without it we wouldn’t survive.
What most people really hate is the way they feel, the choices they make, the false beliefs they have, their lack of boundaries and their inability to be assertive.
Some people feel justified hating someone who has mistreated them. No one should ever condone the mistreatment of another person, but anyone who has been mistreated by someone can question why they chose to spend time with them in the first place so they can make healthier choices in the future. It may be due to false beliefs they have about themselves that they have taken from being mistreated as a child and still hang onto as an adult.
Many may feel resentful because they believe they were in some way responsible for any mistreatment they have received but it’s not natural for any human being to mistreat another person for any reason. Anyone that does has false beliefs and perceptions of their own that only they are responsible for and only they can change.
Some people hate other people for not taking care of their wants and needs but what they really hate is their inability to care for themselves and how much that gives other people control of their lives.
We can all find a way to justify the hate or anger we feel, but if it’s misplaced or the beliefs around it are false, then the feelings unfortunately stay the same.
A man feeling angry and hateful but not knowing why once employed a tradesman to do a building project, which was poorly carried out so he felt even angrier. Later, when he was able to uncover the real reason he felt angry, he was no longer angry and could see that he had subconsciously chosen to employ a poor tradesman to do a bodgy job to falsely justify the way he felt at the time. This is a common scenario.
Allowing ourselves to be deceived is the real source of anger and hate and once the source is identified and we know the truth, the hate and anger we feel will immediately dissipate.
Anyone else’s anger and hate has nothing to do with anyone they are lashing out at. It’s only their internal false beliefs and perceptions they are raging against.
Some people may feel angry or depressed because someone lied to them or they trusted someone and they were betrayed. Then they find it impossible to forgive them but it was themselves they didn’t trust, their own instincts and their own judgment and it’s only themselves they need to forgive for succumbing to any deception and making any unhealthy choices.
Depression is when we become angry with ourselves. We believe we aren’t good enough, we are unworthy or that the world is a terrible place. These are all false beliefs we have taken from past experiences and what we’ve been taught. If they were true, then we wouldn’t feel depressed.
Anger, depression, low self-worth and low self-esteem are nearly always to protect someone else’s inadequacy. We may have had a past or a present relationship with someone who projects their false beliefs onto others rather than question them. To remain in the relationship we subconsciously absorb their beliefs and take on their view of who we are instead of who we really are, so they can avoid their own deficiencies. It could be a parent, carer, partner, friend, employer or someone in authority.
Some also feel alone or lonely when they are feeling inadequate or depressed but being lonely and being alone is entirely different. Being alone is physically spending time on our own and something we can derive pleasure from. When we know who we really are and care about who we are, we can enjoy our own company as much as we can enjoy the company of others. Loneliness is a quandary that we experience when we are angry, confused, depressed or afraid. It’s when the false beliefs we have about ourselves, others or the world around us cause us to disconnect and yet at the same time yearn for company and support. People who feel lonely can feel alone amongst a myriad of friends or in a room full of people.
Then searching externally for happiness is a never-ending fruitless pursuit. So many people believe they will be happy when they can physically change their external circumstances only to find that when they do, they still feel the same way.
Happiness is a choice; we can always find something to be happy about and to be grateful for regardless of our external circumstances because what we have in our lives is what we have created according to what we believe.
Real happiness is a place of acceptance, clarity and peace. It’s when we live in alignment with the universal law of reality and truth. We can only change what we have chosen to have in our lives by questioning and changing what we believe.
For anyone feeling angry, inadequate or depressed, firstly know there is nothing inherently wrong with you. Before trying to escape the way you feel, name the feeling and know that it’s only nature’s way of letting you know that what you perceive or believe about yourself, someone else or the world around you is false. It’s nature’s way of protecting, nurturing and informing you so you make healthy choices that will enhance the quality of your life.