The only way to change your life is to change what you believe
The smallest change to what we believe can make an enormous difference to the way we feel.
An example is an adult who was taught as a child that it is harmful and wrong to say no to anyone, grew up with the belief firmly fixed in their subconscious mind and it controlled practically everything they did. Then after being told that they have the right to say no and it doesn’t hurt anyone when they do, they became enlightened. Their belief changed, which changed their life and they felt liberated.
Just knowing a belief is false, is liberating in itself.
A practical exercise that may help detect any false beliefs or perceptions we have is listing our beliefs and then assessing how each one on its own makes us feel. Beliefs and perceptions that cause discomfort, stress or pain are not negative or limiting – they are false.
Some examples:
- I believe I am not good enough
- I believe the person that keeps hurting me cares
- I believe the world is a dangerous place
- I believe I’m not valuable or worthy
- I believe I have terrible luck
- I believe nothing ever works out for me
- I believe there is something wrong with me
- I believe if I pursue the things I want that I’m selfish
When we discover a belief we have is false, the truth will often come to us when we can connect it to a past experience or something we were taught that we have taken the belief from.
There are times when a past experience may have been traumatic however, it’s not the trauma that causes us continual pain but the false beliefs we take from the trauma and continue to hang onto.
An example of this is a young woman who said she was afraid of water because as a child she had fallen into a pool and almost drowned. The fear she felt was so intense that she panicked whenever she saw water. The belief she had taken from the experience was that being near water was dangerous. With a renewed understanding that the perception she had, due to the emotional pain she felt was false, she was able to go back to the memory she had of the original incident with an adult perspective. She then remembered being pushed into the water by a relative she had trusted. The realisation that her real fear was not of the water but of the person who had pushed her in, immediately gave her more control of her life and completely changed the way she felt.
Some of us will have what is generally referred to as cognitive dissonance, which is having two conflicting beliefs at the same time. An example of this is ‘I’m valuable but I’m not worth anything’. This is when we try to absorb someone else’s belief while hanging on to a true belief of our own. The inner conflict it causes and the resulting emotional pain is nature’s way of trying to correct it.
Another thing many of us do is surround ourselves with people that believe the same things we do to substantiate the beliefs we have. If we believe we aren’t valuable, we will surround ourselves with people that believe we aren’t valuable. If we didn’t, we’d have to change the belief. When we do change what we believe, the people around us will choose to either change with us or leave.